I was intrigued by the author’s hypothesis that our long childhood and the personality that develops in defense can get us out of childhood in one piece, but underneath wreaks havoc with our adult psyche. As I’m currently at a workshop where we are learning to teach children to write about the “small moments” in their lives, I decided to see if I could pull up one of my own early introductions the calculating self. The act of writing this story about a time when the spiral into a dim situation with the "calculating self" was cathartic. Recalling rule number 6, I lightened up trying for humor and read it to my peers here at the workshop hoping that the "central self" of those around me would hear the transformation seeking whispers of my own small moment.
“Tra la la boomsi eh…I got my tits today” he sang, chanted, taunted as he dodged before and away from the beeline I was making from the school exit to the playground. “You think you’re so funny, don’t you?” I yelled back while the tears threatened. Why me? I thought, why do I have to be the only girl in third grade with boobies. It isn’t fair. I was itchy and hot despite the temperate weather, it was only April in Kansas and the horsetail clouds easily beckoned the others to a game of kickball. If only they would swat at Chris Ridder like the nasty horsefly he was. Kooite-ridden knat! Oh, why me? I needed to get away from Chris so he wouldn’t see me pulling at the bras already two sizes too small. Those, my feeble attempt to disguise my womanly demeanor. When at last, he ran to the field to join the others in the footie version of baseball, I surreptitiously snuck a hand under one of the two bras that I’d strapped on that morning to hide behind and relieve the pain. In that brief moment, I could tell that the skin under my enormous bosoms at the end of the day would look like the tops of my calves at the end of gym class. You remember, when we would all pull off those elastic-man tube socks and sigh in unison? Why is it that they say, those lines are caused by water retention? Did we actually retain water in grade three? Yet another thing that was unfair about grade school!Being present to the way things are, what is happening and present to our reactions, no matter how intense is probably the most challenging thing that our transformative selves attempt. If I had a dollar for every time I said, I was going to try and live more in the moment, well let's just say, I'd be rolling in it. I love the author's advice that the simple question, What do we want to do from here? be our new mantra when faced with adversity (as was the case with the rained out golf vacation.) I imagine such a query would open up a world of possibly. Following the week's reading, I will endeavor to be satisfied with the few dollars already in my pocket as I picnic in the present.
Source: Creative Commons playground image http://www.flickr.com/photos/enerva/4359850130/lightbox/
Rose available for free download from dreamstime.com http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photography-rose-rimagefree17567066-resi3743232
Christina: Thanks for sharing your story. We as teachers need to be reminded to stay vigilant about children teasing, as we need to help nip it in the bud when possible. No one is immune to this. I fell and broke my nose in the 4th grade and they taped a white x across my face. It was extremely humiliating, and I heard about it for the rest of my school years. Very traumatic. Accepting what we have now, and understanding that it is the way things are and what we do from here is up to us (rule 6) is sound advice.
ReplyDeleteI think you are brave and living the reading like we would like all of our learners to do. Writing about childhood and reading it aloud to others is a tough thing to do for anyone. I think your views about the reading gives me encouragement that there are people like you helping the next generation of workers to enter the world and as hope you are able to reach more than just your students to try new and potentially difficult tasks and coming out the other side stronger.
ReplyDeleteWriting about our life is a great release. We should do it more as a practice because I think it is the natural way of bringing our calculating and central selves together and resolving the conflict within us. Good job being brave enough to go there and to share. I recently watched the movie “Soul Surfer” with my family. It is about a young surfing girl who is moving towards being professional when a shark attack takes her arm. She has to learn to surf all over and does a pretty good job of coming back but when she has a bad competition she gives up. She becomes involved in the Tsunami relief effort and realizes that as tough as she has it the people she meets in Thailand have many more struggles. While there she helps people overcome their fear of going back into the water. So being satisfied with the few dollars we have in our pocket is a great attitude.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing. If we do get to a place where we really like the person we've become can we not also claim all of those traumatic moments in childhood? I've found the most the most interesting people are those who have faced the difficulty of childhood and become the better person. The question can't be fully addressed with prevention but requires some understanding of what do we do with who we are and what we want to become. It does help to have a good sense of humor.
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